The Thing About Grief
Grief & Loss during COVID-19
As the facilitator of our grief support group at Pendleton Center UMC, I have been thinking about the struggles some may be having as a result of the havoc wreaked on us by the pandemic. I am saddened and concerned first of all for those who have lost a friend or loved one during this time. Their grief is two-fold: the inability to be with that person in the hospital as he or she left this life for the next; and the inability to be surrounded and comforted by friends and family as they say good-bye at the graveside. I feel bad not only for my friends and acquaintances, but for people all over the world mourning a loss under similar and unthinkable circumstances.
Some people are feeling imprisoned by the necessary precautions of quarantine. Others are beginning to opt for risk rather than continuing on with social distancing and wearing masks. Anger is beginning to spill out into society in many forms due to frustration brought on by our sudden COVID-19 crisis. As a society, we are also grieving many losses.
Some guidelines for living with grief:
Do not isolate
Avoid using substances to take away feelings of fear, sadness, loneliness or anxiety
Ask for help
The Art of Grieving
Are you experiencing any of these things?
I’m either not sleeping or sleeping too much
I’ve either cleaned everything I could find to clean or my house has become a minefield of clutter
The TV has become my best friend or my worst enemy
I love having extra time with my family, BUT at times I’d like to lock myself away in a quiet room
I am completely alone and sick of my own company
If I had someone to talk to, I’m not sure my voice would still work beyond the sob that is, most of the time, sealed behind my lips
What IS this feeling – right here – behind my eyes and deep in my chest? I hurt. It’s not a physical hurt, but it is VERY real. Is this you? Are you saying, “Yes, me too!”?
These are hard and painful days for the world, our country, our communities, and for each one of us – for some more than others. So much of what we are experiencing is new and it has disrupted our lives, moving us into a place we did not expect. We are not comfortable with the changes and do not welcome the thought that things will not be “normal” for the foreseeable future.
These feelings you are having – have you had them before? When was that? What made you feel these feelings:
That this can’t be true or maybe isn’t true
Anger
That there has to be a way around it
Anxiety
Sadness
Disorientation
Depression
OK - I can deal with this
These are all reactions to loss. Commonly, five of these are associated with the loss of a loved one through death according to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD in her book “On Death and Dying.” These days we are all exposed to death or fear of death daily, moment by moment, if we so choose. It isn’t the stuff of fiction but of real-life thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Most of us, in the course of our lives, if we have reached adulthood, have experienced the loss of a friend or loved one. We know and remember the feelings. Are you feeling those feelings now? That is the nature of grief. It can sneak back up on you, and that’s normal. Grief is often described as an onion that peels back to expose layer after layer. What may seem an insignificant loss, or may be totally irrelevant to the original loss, or may be not even your own loss, may peel back another layer you didn’t know existed. You are experiencing grief again because you care for the loss of others and because you have allowed yourself, in your own life, to love.
So, you haven’t lost anyone to COVID-19, but you still feel like you are grieving? The stages of grief can be applied not only to the loss of a friend or loved one but also to the loss of a pet, loss of friendships during life transitions, loss of a job, loss of income, children leaving home, divorce. The list goes on. There goes another layer.
Changes made by choice may still leave you with a sense of loss, but when change is not of our choosing, the feelings of loss can be compounded by feelings of anger, bargaining, denial, and ultimately sadness or depression. In other words, grief.
GriefShare
An online grief support program hosted by Leslie Wagner, will begin on Thursday August 20 at 7:00 PM and run for 13 weeks.
For additional spiritual support, you are invited to join us for live interactive online services, devotions, worship music, and prayer on Facebook.
If you are reading this and you have an urgent need for help and support please call this number which is available 24/7:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
SAMHSA’s National Helpline for drug treatment: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Alcoholics Anonymous Hotline: 1-800-839-1686
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